Being Magnanimous

It's not my fault that I'm an asshole.

Ok, maybe it is.

I fear that my upbringing may compromise me from being a good person. I don't want it to prevent me from being able to do something, or see different viewpoints. Sometimes, I know that what's hindering me is my predispositions from my upbringing. Unfortunately, this makes it hard for me to make educated opinions. Maybe I have some sort of deep seeded hatred for something, someone, or some opinion and that holds me back. But then its not really my fault, but it narrows my perception, making it difficult for me to be cosmopolitan.

It holds me back.

So whenever I feel like I have to make an informed opinion about something, whether it be relevant or irrelevant to me, I always have to step back and ask myself if those opinions are based on educated reason, or just pure prejudice. I hate that about myself. I wish that I could just be open to everything without having those notions. But I can't, and I know that a lot of people who have grown up in similar situations have the same problem whether they are aware of it or not. Again, passing judgement here, a lot of those people are blatantly unaware of their ignorance.

How do you change something about yourself that has been ingrained into you from the time you were born?

For example, I have deeply rooted hatred, of course that term is relative, more like predetermined prejudices or dislike for Christianity/Christians. From Orthodox Catholics to Mormons. There's just something inside me that is prone to reject them as intellectuals. Not so much with other people from different walks of religious life like Muslim, Judaism, Buddhism, or even Scientology, although all equally ridiculous in their own right. I know that my dislike stems from my experiences from my childhood and formative years.

My art teacher for 3 years, Mr. F, was and is probably one of the most moral, kind, cool, respectable, honest, understanding, noble persons I have ever met. He's some super human worthy of a Noble Peace Prize. He's a genius in his craft as well as in human interaction. Mr. F acted as a form of mentor/father figure to me for my high school years. The thing is, Mr. F is an Episcopal Christian, which although is one of the most liberal and tolerating among all the other Anglican Christian organizations, I still consider it to be the same in thought as the most conservative Southern Baptist churches. That makes it hard for me to believe that he is the great, great man that he is as well as being a devout Christian. My narrow minded argument of all Christians being dogmatic, ideological, unintelligent retards falls apart with the introduction of someone like Mr. F.

That didn't necessarily stop me from arguing with him and trying to belittle his beliefs in anyway that I possibly could. I regret doing that, but I know that the prejudices or assumptions that I have/had with Christians is not my fault. I do it unconsciously because of my rebellion towards the ideologies, prejudices, assumptions and dogmas that I was raised with.

Of course that doesn't make it justifiable.

I strongly believe that raising a child with prejudices is harmful for that child in the future where they will be forced to make their own opinions about a subject in the ever changing social world. Please, please, please, if you are raising a child make sure that you do not raise them with prejudices and predispositions towards anyone, because that doesn't help anything. Even things like looking down on the less intelligent or less fortunate. If you love your child, teach them to love as well. Instilling hate into a child is the worst form of corruption imaginable.

I blame you, childhood!! I blame you for making me a self-centered asshole!