I'm Baddasss.

I have tattoos and I have 10 piercings, 6 ear and 4 body. So I'm a wannabe badass. when I see other girls with piercings and tattoos I think they're dumb bimbos.

But I'm young so I might as well enjoy them while I can. :0

Decided on my next tattoo.

THis is what I do at work...

Working at a book store has its good times~

So I just became a finalist for the 10-10-10 Santa Barbara International Film Festival Competition. Whatever happens, my film will be made and screened at the festival in Feburary, mark your calendars.

Theres a red carpet and a press confrence and everything.

I also believe that winning means a scholarship? but I'm not sure yet.

My mentor that I;m working with is Robert Lewis who was a major director/writer in the 80s. And I love the 80s.

EXCITED!!!!

I need a sugar daddy

SOMEONE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BUY ME THESES:

STEVE MADDEN CARYSSA NUDE PUMPS!!!



Anways. Christmas is coming soon....

I have tranny feet and I wear a size 10. thanks.

"Why Im Not a Christian"

"Why I'm not a Christian"

-Bertrand Russell

"Religion is based, I think, primarily and mainly upon fear. It is partly the terror of the unknown and partly, as I have said, the wish to feel that you have a kind of elder brother who will stand by you in all your troubles and disputes....A good world needs knowledge, kindliness, and courage; it does not need a regretful hankering after the past or a fettering of the free intelligence by the words uttered long ago by ignorant men."


LOL

The Protector

Just submitted my short screen play, "The Protector" for consideration in a 26th Santa Barbara Film Festival competition. Fingers crossed, some people will see a short film written by me on the Independent silver screen next year in January/Feburary.

Its interesting that something that started as a cheating scheme between me and another film student, turned into a few dollars scholarship for outstanding writing, $100 from that sad little student, and a possible entrance into a film festival.

ok. Don't jinx it MJ!!!! PRAY TO JESUS CHRIST FOR ME TO WINN!!

Being Magnanimous

It's not my fault that I'm an asshole.

Ok, maybe it is.

I fear that my upbringing may compromise me from being a good person. I don't want it to prevent me from being able to do something, or see different viewpoints. Sometimes, I know that what's hindering me is my predispositions from my upbringing. Unfortunately, this makes it hard for me to make educated opinions. Maybe I have some sort of deep seeded hatred for something, someone, or some opinion and that holds me back. But then its not really my fault, but it narrows my perception, making it difficult for me to be cosmopolitan.

It holds me back.

So whenever I feel like I have to make an informed opinion about something, whether it be relevant or irrelevant to me, I always have to step back and ask myself if those opinions are based on educated reason, or just pure prejudice. I hate that about myself. I wish that I could just be open to everything without having those notions. But I can't, and I know that a lot of people who have grown up in similar situations have the same problem whether they are aware of it or not. Again, passing judgement here, a lot of those people are blatantly unaware of their ignorance.

How do you change something about yourself that has been ingrained into you from the time you were born?

For example, I have deeply rooted hatred, of course that term is relative, more like predetermined prejudices or dislike for Christianity/Christians. From Orthodox Catholics to Mormons. There's just something inside me that is prone to reject them as intellectuals. Not so much with other people from different walks of religious life like Muslim, Judaism, Buddhism, or even Scientology, although all equally ridiculous in their own right. I know that my dislike stems from my experiences from my childhood and formative years.

My art teacher for 3 years, Mr. F, was and is probably one of the most moral, kind, cool, respectable, honest, understanding, noble persons I have ever met. He's some super human worthy of a Noble Peace Prize. He's a genius in his craft as well as in human interaction. Mr. F acted as a form of mentor/father figure to me for my high school years. The thing is, Mr. F is an Episcopal Christian, which although is one of the most liberal and tolerating among all the other Anglican Christian organizations, I still consider it to be the same in thought as the most conservative Southern Baptist churches. That makes it hard for me to believe that he is the great, great man that he is as well as being a devout Christian. My narrow minded argument of all Christians being dogmatic, ideological, unintelligent retards falls apart with the introduction of someone like Mr. F.

That didn't necessarily stop me from arguing with him and trying to belittle his beliefs in anyway that I possibly could. I regret doing that, but I know that the prejudices or assumptions that I have/had with Christians is not my fault. I do it unconsciously because of my rebellion towards the ideologies, prejudices, assumptions and dogmas that I was raised with.

Of course that doesn't make it justifiable.

I strongly believe that raising a child with prejudices is harmful for that child in the future where they will be forced to make their own opinions about a subject in the ever changing social world. Please, please, please, if you are raising a child make sure that you do not raise them with prejudices and predispositions towards anyone, because that doesn't help anything. Even things like looking down on the less intelligent or less fortunate. If you love your child, teach them to love as well. Instilling hate into a child is the worst form of corruption imaginable.

I blame you, childhood!! I blame you for making me a self-centered asshole!

The Universal

I opened my eyes and I saw that the world was bigger than just me and my mind.
We live on Earth which orbits the Sun, although center of our Solar System, is only a small part of our galaxy. and our galaxy is only a small part in the Universe.
It made me wonder why, we as human beings, spend so much effort into our mundane lives that barely mean anything in the larger Universe.

We dont mean anything. Are lives arent even a spec of dust in the cosmic universe.

I find that strangely comforting. I can slip up and I can make mistakes. Theres no one to impress, there's no one looking down on me and judgeging my every actions. I am nothing but the smallest organic structure that exists. And it all doesnt matter.

Smile a little bit!

I hate kids and love the Schwarzenegger

I feel bad for people with kids. Probably because some of the most annoying little fuckers I've met have happened to be children and their mothers. Whenever I'm on a train, bus, or plane, there is always a screaming baby near me and I have to hold myself back from wringing its poor innocent neck.

Like right now. I'm sitting in a library calmly trying to do my work and this mother brings her screaming child in! The nerve! Take your child and stick it where the sun dont shine.

Of course the IRONY is:

People with kids probably feel sorry for me because I'm a selfish and spiteful person. Touche!

In other news. I think Stephan Hawking is a robot. Here are my reasons: 1. He's a genius, probably knows everything about everything. 2. He has a robot voice. In conclusion, he is a robot. He's like the Terminator...just doesnt look like Arnold.

Here's something he said recently:

"Because there is a law such as gravity, the universe can and will create itself from nothing. Spontaneous creation is the reason there is something rather than nothing, why the universe exists, why we exist," --Stephan Hawking

REBOT DEFUNCTION!

This is like at the end of the movie Terminator 2: Judgement Day, when they push the Silver Surfer into the burnign lava! Oh Steve, get back to your good, old, analytical, skeptical, genius robot self. We miss you ...

Spontaneus creation? Here's my version of spontatneous sexy pose creation!

DONT READ THIS< ITS A WASTE OF TIME!!!

Random shit that I thought about after watching "Inception"

I finally feel like I've entered into that level of normalcy that I've always dreamed of having. I suppose my level of normalcy is higher than most. Always wanting to be "normal" has kinda been my thing. When I was younger I just wanted to be normal even though I never knew what I meant by that. Now, that I'm slightly older, I feel as if that need to be normal is gone and thats when I feel the most normal. I think a lot of people who have been in the same situations as me can feel the same. As a kid, it was always about how different or how special we were. Needless to say, I could never understand what made me different. My specialness was intangible so I began to believe it didn't exist. Kind of like my ideas towards God. Rather close minded I guess and rather dismissive. However, untill that specialness could be proven I just wanted to feel ordinary. Finally it just sort of disappeared as a necessity. ITs a less important thing. My deal is that I am who I am. Kind of like the God of Abraham and Isaac.

"I am that I am.
I do not like green eggs and ham."

Now it just doesnt matter anymore. It makes me sad to think that a lot of the things that I used to believe in have lost their meaning and importance and just dont matter anymore. This is probably how it feels to realize that Santa Clause doesnt exist... Kind of like waking up from a dream.

I'm actually very lucky. So far, everything has started to fall into place. I can't say its what I've wanted for myself, but I've never had definite plans or dreams per se. I suppose not having those pre-existing notions of what my life should be like has made all the pieces fall into place in a satisfactory way.

Is that a good thing? Who the fuck knows.

Anyways, at the end of Inception, was it actually in a dream when he was reunited with his kids? Was it a dream in a dream in a dream in a dream in a dream? ...or something like that.

I also started thinking of those commercials on TV. You know, the one with the red or blue cartoon bears. The toilet paper commercials. WHEN DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY LEAVE PIECES OF TOILET PAPER IN THEIR ASS!!!?? Im sure there's some liberal pro-homo subliminal messege in there. THere usually is with things you cant explain.

Now why was I thinking about that while watching Inception. Someone must have planted the idea of that in my brain.

That makes me think of Zombies.

The end.

EUROTRIP!

Spain, France, Italy, Greece< and Turkey.

Thats the line-up of my Euro-Trip starting tomorrow. I'm so excited! Thats 3 weeks in Europe of non-stop fun.

In preparation/ research for my trip and cruise, I've watched Eurotrip, Titanic, and Poseidon now I know for sure that the ship is going to sink...

Wish me luck and the best time ever!!